I teach English to foreigners for one of my jobs. A little over two years ago (Fall 2012), I had a Turkish student...we'll call him...Barrel. Turkish students are extremely rare at the school where I teach. I am completely unfamiliar with that part of the world. I mean, I went to Turkey for a few hours as part of a cruise around the Greek islands, but the Turkey portion consisted of a tour of a few religious sites and a walk of shame back to the boat after I had a kissing encounter (yes, just kissing!) with a handsome local I met while...well, not shopping. So basically, I know nothing relevant of the country or culture.
Anyway, my Turkish student didn't stand out too much during the semester except for a few compliments during the course of the semester, so I knew he had a bit of a crush, but I was dating this Peruvian guy by the end of the semester and nothing ever came of Barrel's crush.....until a year later (December 2013). He asked me out. Just dinner and a dance performance at the local university. He was never my type. Nothing like the handsome Turkish man I locked lips with in the market 3 years earlier. But he had always had a quirkiness about him that made me laugh, so I accepted his invitation.
It was hard on our first few dates because I had just recently gotten out of a relationship with someone else, an ex who was from Mexico, and I had a lot of mixed feelings about that. Not to mention, I had been dating Latins for so long that I thought maybe my vision was skewed in their favor, and not Turkish. Maybe he wasn't attractive to me because I was Latin-blind. Also, when I get attached, I really get attached, so it's hard for me to see another guy as a potential boyfriend so soon after a breakup. Simply put, I kept thinking that the reasons for not being interested in Barrel could be because I still had strong emotional attachments to my ex and because I had only dated Latins for the previous 2 or 3 years. Barrel was completely different from my ex. My ex was very strong and masculine and down to earth. The new guy was metrosexual and efeminate, bordering on setting off my gaydar...not to mention he had an air of arrogance about him, dressing and acting rather materialistically. So while I felt nothing for Barrel, physically or otherwise, I felt like I should give the "nice guy" a fair chance and keep going out with him while I cleansed the salsa flavor from my palate.
Our first date was harmless. He was dressed stylishly, of course, and we had a lovely Italian dinner and a wandering drive through the quiet, snowy streets after the dance performance. We stopped in at a little house party for a coworker, and that was that. Unfortunately, my little wallet fell out of my shallow coat pocket, which I noticed after Barrel had dropped me off. Fortunately, however, it had fallen out in his car, and he returned it to me the next day. The following day had me in a bit of shock when a vase of flowers arrived at my house. Romantic, sweet, thoughtful...and rather over-the-top in this generation of dating. We had a misunderstanding about something that week and he sent another vase of flowers. We had our second date that weekend and that too was followed by a vase of flowers.
Our second date was much more interesting for me. We went to a nearby big city and saw the Christmas lights and had dinner at an amazing little Greek restaurant. That was the best part for me. I love trying new foods and this place had the most addicting pita bread, so when I say interesting, that's what I am referring to. Because I had lost my wallet in his car on the first date, Barrel made this big fuss that I shouldn't have even had it with me in the first place because he is a gentleman and I would never need money on a date with him. So on that second date I had left my wallet...but still brought along my credit card because there would be a few stores in that bigger city that my city didn't have and, if given the opportunity, I wanted to pick up a couple things. When Barrel realized my intent, he made another big fuss about how it made no difference...he would buy whatever I needed.
Throughout the date, I struggled with my lack of interest in this guy who was going above and beyond for our date. I wasn't interested in conversation, I wasn't attracted to him...but I pushed myself to find things to talk about and to make it fun because I didn't want to be a brat and again I kept thinking maybe it was just because I wasn't comfortable with a new guy still...so I asked him to teach me random words and phrases in Turkish. At least that made conversation a little easier to keep up. But I wasn't comfortable with him buying my personal shopping items...he was so insistent. Just a second date...I don't like it when guys spend that much money so early on. It ends up feeling more like he's just trying to impress or buy a girl's attention when neither party is actually invested in the other person on a deeper level.
All of this happened less than a month before Christmas. We only had two or three dates before Christmas. He went with me to do some Christmas shopping at one point and we stopped by my friend's work so I could give her a Christmas present. I introduced him by his name, but he didn't really hear that well, and as he and I left the place he asked, "How did you introduce me?" I just told her, "This is Barrel." He started getting sensitive and upset. "After everything I've done for you, you aren't calling me your boyfriend?" I was taken aback. How extreme! Just a couple of dates and he's like this? He had a way of spinning things though...blaming cultural differences. So once he calmed down, we chalked it up to culture and let it go. But then he bought me a laptop for Christmas and I freaked out. I told him it was way too much way too soon. I told him it was overwhelming and it made me uncomfortable. I told him it was way too much money to spend on someone you weren't more seriously involved with. He insisted. "It's not a ring," he said. "It's just a gift and we can break up tomorrow, but I still insist that you accept it." Again he cited his culture as the difference.
I started to get the impression his family was loaded after I told him the first laptop didn't meet the specs I needed (I had already been shopping for one for getting my thesis done since my own laptop was a dinosaur and kept crashing and losing work for my thesis) and he showed up on my doorstep the next morning with yet another one...and when that one wasn't up to spec, he handed me $540 cash and said I should just buy whatever I needed since he was leaving that night for the Christmas/New Year's break.
While he was gone, there was one good thing and one bad thing...well, really there were two good things. The first good thing was that he was gone. I needed a break from how strong he was coming on. I could appreciate his kindness and desire to do nice things for me, but we had only gone on a few dates, so it was a bit much. I hadn't had a chance to just be single after the last relationship, so I took the two weeks as my welcome back to singledom and went dancing with my friends. The bad thing was that when he asked me why I was up late that night and I told him I had gone dancing, he FREAKED out about how he loved me but couldn't accept me dancing and being with other guys, so we would have to break up. And here's where my logic flaw comes into play. Rather than seeing him for emotionally volatile, manipulative and controlling, I reasoned with him and talked him down. Why I did that, I'll never know...and always regret. I was so bent on giving him a chance because he seemed like a "nice guy"...maybe because my exboyfriend tried to "curse" me when I broke up with him and I was trying to prove him wrong. I don't know. I always try to look for the good in people and I always try to solve problems...I don't stop and think, "Do I even like this guy?" I try to "make things work."
The other good thing, well bad for me but overall good (in the sense that I should give him some credit), was that I got sick, and Barrel was incredibly sweet, though overdramatic. He said he should have never left me and he should have taken me home to Turkey with him. He ordered food from a local restaurant and had it delivered to my house. He kept offering to fly back to take care of me, but I insisted he stay. He told me all the great adventures he was having there with his friends and family. His family had rented out this beautiful, famous restaurant on the water for their New Year's celebration. He went skydiving with his friends. He spent a few days at his grandparents' historic mansion on an island.
When Barrel got back, he showed me a website for his family's (grandpa's) business...a multibillion dollar company. He said his grandpa had cut off his dad when his dad rebelled and married a Jewish woman, but now he (Barrel) was the favorite grandson. Over the course of our relationship, I saw him spend hundreds, no, thousands of dollars on gifts, dinners, shopping, etc. At first I was always uncomfortable with the amount of money he was spending. But he was overbearingly insistent and I told myself that if I was really going to give him a chance, I needed let him be himself and see how things went. He told me I needed to 'get used to the lifestyle'.
It took several weeks before I finally kissed him. Even after that first kiss, kissing didn't happen a lot in our relationship. It was so weird with him. It always felt awkward...and like ZERO chemistry. Back to the gaydar. Blech. Our kisses were always Disney style...no intensity, no passion, no chemistry. Sometimes we would go days or weeks without kissing, and he would get angry and try to guilt me by talking about how I would make out with all these Latin guys, but I wouldn't kiss him. He would start saying racist things..."I guess you just prefer to be with low class guys." I got so angry with him for the racist and snobby things he would say...but he would always spin it to a lanuguage barrier. "Low class doesn't have a negative connotation in my language. It just means casual or informal. My mother is low class. I wasn't being a condescending, self-righteous, snobby, arrogant prick..." Okay...maybe he didn't say that last sentence, but you get the idea.
Another odd experience with him was when one of his exgirlfriends posted a pic of herself and tagged him in it to try to get attention because she found out he had a new girlfriend. He said he would talk to her about it, but I just told him she was fishing for attention, so he would do better to just block her. I told him it was no big deal and I trusted there was no fault with him, so not to worry. He escalated and when I talked to him the next day he said he had been on the phone with his mom crying for 3 hours about how this stupid ex had hurt our relationship and almost ruined our relationship. He said his mother was so angry at that girl. That was around January.
In February, he bought me a new phone for Valentine's and we planned a weekend trip with my engaged friends. We were going to get two hotel rooms anyway, so it made sense to invite another couple, and my friend had never been to the place. We drove a few hours south and enjoyed the sites. Even managed to find time to visit my sister and her family. It was a chance for her to meet the guy. My bossy little niece loved him because he would let her boss him around. My brother-in-law showed some of his amazing artwork (custom wood-carving) and Barrel indicated that this talent would make a lot of money in Turkey. My brother-in-law had some beautiful gunstocks he had carved. Barrel had me take some pictures, so he could send them off to his uncle and maybe drum up some business for my brother-in-law. If you understood how much I love my sister and how much I worry for her little family, you could understand that it meant a lot to me to have Barrel offering an opportunity for work for my brother-in-law. He's a hard worker, but he also works independently and doing manual labor, which is hard on his back.
A few days later, Barrel said he talked to his uncle and his uncle was more interested with getting my brother-in-law a contract with a company...he would be able to make plenty of money. Stability and relief for my sister. I was grateful. He asked them for a fax number to send the contract to within a week of our visit...but the fax never came. Barrel explained that companies have a lot of legal red tape when it comes to outsourcing and hiring foreigners. But he dazzled my sister with promises of traveling to Turkey once her husband was hired. He would have to go for an orientation and to meet people in the company. And maybe I would have to go to keep my sister company.
Barrel had also spoken of a spring trip to Dubai and Egypt. He talked bout his company and how he made money off trading stocks and whatnot. At one point he told me he donated $5,000 to the local church because he wasn't sure if he felt good about how he made his money. He also told me about a friend who couldn't pay his tuition so he gave him $3,000 for tuition. All this money flying around...for the trip to Dubai and Egypt, he sent possible itineraries and websites for the hotels we would stay at if I went with him. Honestly, the idea was exciting, but I just felt more pressure to decide my feelings. Acepting such an expensive trip while my feelings were not committed felt dishonorable and deceptive. He kept telling me that there are many girls that would take whatever they could get...that I should just accept and enjoy. It wasn't a ring. But I couldn't allow someone to spend that kind of money if I felt I was just using him. I am not rich...not even sort of. My tax bracket is actually considered poverty, I think. But I'm single and frugal, so it's not like I live in poverty. But definitely not rich. And not greedy. So while some people liked to imply that I wasn't breaking up with him because of the money...I can honestly say, those people do not know or understand my mind. Even my mom seemed to imply it at one point. Incredibly frustrating and actually painful to feel that people so close to me thought so little of me.
A couple weeks after our trip with my engaged friends, he flipped out about something ridiculous...again. I made plans with a girlfriend on a Saturday morning (he and I never hung out until later in the afternoon on Saturdays), and suddenly I have him jumping down my throat about not checking with him before I make plans, and he went on and on about how I haven't figured out that I have a boyfriend yet because I'm certainly not acting like it. I felt stifled, controlled, manipulated...I broke up with him...or at least tried to. For hours. Literally HOURS. Like TWENTY of them. He begged and begged, insisted that he recognized his mistake and he would fix it. I was exhausted. I just wanted it to stop. I gave in...and he did change, and things were better...but it didn't change what I had been feeling for months, and that was this: nothing. I didn't love him. Didn't even like him romantically, and increasingly less as a person. No attraction. I still thought he was a nice, sweet, sensitive guy, but he was dramatic, emotionally volitale and manipulative. Whether or not it was intentional or conscious, he was an emotional nightmare. So I went to see him to have another breakup conversation.
I nearly hyperventilated with anxiety on the drive to see him. The last 20-hour breakup was fresh in my mind. I didn't think I could go through that again, so I was literally praying that it would be okay, but I couldn't calm down. When I showed up to talk to him, I was a bit of a wreck. And I think that curbed his crazy. We talked...he tried to convince me that his love was enough for both of us. Claimed it was a saying in his culture. But I told him that I didn't want to live my life without love so that he could live with his love. He realized I was right. After a couple hours of relatively calm conversation (at which point he slightly implied that maybe my friend's fiance was 'my type'), we officially broke up. He was upset...depressed, but it was over...finally over.
And then he decided we should be friends. That would help with his depression. He wanted to keep "taking care of me". He said his mom told him to take care of me...that he couldn't just abandon me. So we tried being friends. I was more relaxed with the weight of the relationship off my shoulders. I could laugh and have fun again. Until a week and a half later. He had another episode. We ran into my friend and her fiance (the ones that went with us on the trip) when Barrel was dropping me off for a sports activity. He was on good terms with them since the trip. Barrel gave the fiance a bro-hug and the fiance said, "Hey where did you just come from? You smell like food. Smells good." My friend laughed and said, "Babe, you can't say something like that to people." And the incident was over. I thought nothing of it.
Barrel left, but soon after I got a text from him...threatening the fiance. "Tell that Filipino jerk that if he ever says something like that to me again I will break his arm." (I'm...smoothing out his English, but that was definitely the gist.) I asked what the fiance had said because maybe I had missed something that was actually rude or offensive..."HE SAID I SMELL LIKE FOOD!" Say what? Is this seriously a thing? I spent the next FOUR hours dealing with his drama-texts. I told him the fiance meant nothing by it...totally innocent and just an off-hand comment. "OH YOU'RE GOING TO DEFEND HIM!?! YOU'RE DEFENDING ANOTHER GUY TO ME!?! I GUESS YOU JUST LIKE JERKS. I WISH YOU COULD DATE HIM THEN!" The onslaught continued...he started going on and on about how wonderful my friend was for saying something to her fiance ('babe, you can't say that to people') because she defended Barrel where I had failed to defend him...I asked him if it was an offensive thing in his culture to say 'you smell like food'. He said no. I tried to be logical with him...so it's not offensive in your culture, and it's not offensive in my culture either, so if it's not something that is generally offensive, how could I have possibly known to 'stand up for him'...? Logic isn't his strong suit. The freak-out texts continued. I told him it was too bad he was freaking out again because I had actually liked him more since our breakup...the next day he was calm, apologized......and started calling me his girlfriend again. Kill me.
I didn't address it right away. I couldn't handle his emotional explosions. I was exhausted. Worn down. I didn't love him. Didn't like him. Wasn't attracted to him. I felt trapped by feeling a loyalty of friendship/compassion (this always happens to me in relationships) and being broken up. He was a nice guy...even if he was crazy. I still felt bad hurting him. Eventually I told him I had never agreed to go back to being his girlfriend and, of course, he freaked out. I had tried again and again to give this "nice guy" a chance, but crazy trumps nice. He dragged things out for weeks...months even. I took a break from trying to end things because my master's thesis was coming due and I couldn't deal with him and the deadlines, so I went along with his little fantasy world just a bit longer to try to get things done. I had to graduate. It was also around the time of my birthday.
A couple days before my birthday, he brought me some lunch while I was working on my thesis. He sat there, quiet and depressed. He had started saying things like he was dealing with so much that he had been stressed and so I hadn't really gotten to know him...he wasn't himself these last SIX months he had been making my life hell. According to him. The cops showed up at my parents' house where I was working on my thesis....someone had called them for a welfare check since he hadn't been responding to texts and calls. He brushed it off like no big deal...and I let it go. He made a big deal of my birthday. Bought me a camera and a tablet...he said we were going on a shopping trip as well...until he had another emotional breakdown. He said his friend had called for the welfare check because he had been depressed, he had talked about suicide...he said God had saved him because when he reached for a bottle of pills, he found his scriptures instead.
The following couple of days were extreme and emotional. He said his financial situation was becoming less stable because of his dad's political situation, so we should break up, but before that happened, he wanted to do everything he could for me...but after that week, our relationship would be done. Finally! Halle-freaking-llujah! And then I watched the twisted wheels of his mind start turning...as we sat there in his car outside of my house, he started convincing himself that he would solve the problem...we didn't need to break up. Horror! He had gone from tears to triumph in a matter of minutes...it was actually scary to watch the twisted wheels of his mind turn...the nightmare wouldn't stop.
I started taking on a lot of travel plans for work. It would start as soon as my thesis was complete. He said he would travel for the summer if I was going to be traveling. I said 'good idea' and he got mad that I didn't whine about how much I would miss him. Why on earth would I miss you? I've been trying to get rid of you?! Just about to have a shorter tongue with how much I've had to bite it lately...! So I miraculously graduated amongst this chaos and started traveling for work. He continuously texted and called while I was working. I had talked to him about breaking up for real. That it needed to end. He kept asking if that was really what I wanted. He said he hadn't told me everything...he then told me that his mom had cancer and so that's what had been affecting him so much. I said I was very sorry to hear that, but that wasn't a reason to stay together. He said fine, but warned me never to do this to a man again. I asked what he meant. He said I was leaving him in his time of need and would I do something like that to my husband? Just leave him because he's having a hard time. More manipulation. I held my ground though.
A few days later, he said his dad was coming to the States for a meeting since his position was government-related and that he would fly to D.C. to meet with his dad. He said it's always weird to do that because he has to have bodyguards, etc. I was in California traveling for work when the day of his trip came. He said he was at the airport and he would have to turn off his phone for his flight.
And that's when it all fell apart. Only an hour or two after he said he had turned off his phone for his flight, I got a FaceBook message from a mutual acquaintance. He asked if I had talked to Barrel recently. I said yes, but didn't disclose much information. He said that Barrel had borrowed some money from him and then blocked him on FaceBook and wasn't answering his calls or texts. I was confused to say the least. Why would this person say these things if they weren't true? But how could this be true? I had seen Barrel, watched him spend thousands of dollars. And then I really got a shock. This acquaintance messaged me to say nevermind, his sister found Barrel at his apartment and he FaceTimed with him on her phone. In my mind..."Ummm, excuse me, he's on a flight to D.C." I didn't say anything to the acquaintance, but I called my mom who lives nearby and told her I was freaking out a bit. I explained the situation and my mom stopped by his apartment, but no one answered. She tracked down someone from his church, though, and they said they saw him around over the weekend.
His emails from his mom were getting ridiculous. "My dear daughter, Barrel said you broke up again and this is so difficult for him. He really needs to be with someone who loves him, so I am going to send his exgirlfriend to take care of him. She still loves him and that's what he needs. But if I have misunderstood, please just tell me and I won't send her." It hit me. I had never talked to his mom. Barrel was behind all the emails. Then his "dad" emailed me to tell me that Barrel never loved me and he was just used to me and I was never his type, how could I be? It was almost funny to see his wild desparation...except that his lunacy was terrifying at the same time. I had spent over 6 months with someone and it was all lies. I had invited him into my life, my world...my family's life. The contract for my brother-in-law had never existed. Months had gone by with only excuses from Barrel. He had also made promises to buy items from my sister's business, but put that off for months...more excuses.
Finally, I got a chance to talk to people that could confirm facts. Barrel, the liar. About everything. Promises to my family, promises to me...where he was, who he was, his family and personal situaton. Lies upon lies. Ongoing, never-ending. He never went to Turkey for the holidays. He didn't have the money. His offer to come back to take care of me because I was sick...he had never left. He told me he had been a church volunteer in Greece for two years. Never happened. He hadn't even been a church member for long before he came to America. His family's busines: lie. Even the ex-girlfriend that caused all that drama early on by tagging him in a picture...that was a fake FaceBook account he created and he was behind it all. He had creatd multiple FaceBook accounts to make himself look cooler or more desireable than he really was. All the times he called me, angry after talking to his mother about an email I had sent to her...but it was him all along. He was crazy. Complete lunatic.
When I confronted him (over the phone), he kept trying to test how much I really knew to see if he could minimize how much truth he would have to tell. Even when I asked him to tell me the truth, he said, "What kind of truth?" As far as I know, there's one truth. After all kinds of evasion and partial truths to see if there waasnything he could salvage, he claimed he had been diagnosed as bipolar, but hadn't gotten any treatment. I researched a little on it...everything fit rather well with that explanation. His mania and depression, his lies, compulsive behavior and controlling attitude. But then his depression was kicking in...he kept threatening to commit suicide. I was fairly certain he was just doing it to manipulate and get attention, but I also wasn't willing to take that risk. So while I refused to see him, I allowed him to keep texting me here and there to talk him down. I even sent the cops to check on him once. He got mad at me for that. I eventually got a hold of someone who knew his parents and tried to give them an idea of what was going on. Within a week, his parents flew him home.
But he kept emailing. I was busy traveling at work and honestly just wanted to be done with him, so when I didn't respond for a few days, he again became crazy. He emailed a contact in my hometown and asked them to call me because I was being an 'irresponsible friend' and he needed to know how his 'friend' was doing. The contact knew of what he had put me through, so he called simply to let me know about the email rather than to guilt me. I was driving all day for work (over 10 hours) and actually feeling ill from the long days and lack of sleep on that trip. That night I got a call from an international number while I was briefing my boss on the trip. It was after midnight. I answered out of habit, but hung up before saying a word because I realized it would be him. The next morning, I finished my trip and when I had some time waiting at the airport, I emailed him. I told him I was busy and working and tired and sick and I didn't have time to be harrassed by him or his contact guilting me and telling me I'm being irresponsible. His response just made me more frustrated. "Oh I am so glad to hear from you! I'm sorry you're not feeling well, but don't worry about me, everything is fine."
I didn't responsd for 3 days. And the calls started coming the third night. I didn't answer. After a few rejected calls, he started texting...threatening to kill himself. I couldn't do it anymore. I turned off my phone and went to bed. He was home with his parents. He was not my responsibility. I could not live with my life held ransom by the whims and threats of this lunatic. When I awoke in the morning there were more texts and emails as well. He said he had cried all night. His parents were worried for his health. I held my ground and didn't respond. After a couple more emails, I reached out to the same person I had contacted to let his parents know of his insanity. He visited the family and advised Barrel to stop contacting me. The contact emailed me about it and told me to let him know if Barrel contacted me again...which he did...a week later. Claiming that he waas totally over me and could go out with another girl tomorrow if he wanted so he didn't understand why I wouldn't talk to him. I forwarded the email to the contact and the contact said Barrel sseemed to be doing better but still had a long way to go. I knew that Barrel was putting on a show for them...twisting everything that he had done because the contact didn't know me and neither did his parents...so he could say whatever he wanted and make it look like maybe he did nothing wrong.
Six weeks later, he was back in America. I had thought his parents would keep him in Turkey. I had prayed...that is more accurate. How could they let him come back? Wouldn't his parents of all people realize he's mental?! How can they not know their son? They should keep their crazies in their own country and not allow him to cause international issues. Part of uncovering his lies was discovering how many people he had defrauded. Many people had fallen for his lies and given him generous amounts of money. Others had loaned him money and never been paid back. Some of the people I talked to were willing to forgive and let it go, which I totally understand...but to let him continue defrauding others...why would no one seek to protect his future victims?
I got a text from him the day he returned. He claimed to have seen my car. Claimed to be over me. I would not respond. He texted and emailed a bit more saying he didn't understand why I wasn't responding. A couple weeks later another email came claiming he had a new girlfriend, so obviously he was over me and this new girlfriend was amazing and wonderful and they were in love. At first I figured it was, of course, another lie. However, another email from Barrel indicated that he knew I had talked about our relationship to a coworker because my coworker tried to warn his new girlfriend about him. I hadn't remembered saying much to my coworker, so I tracked him down and asked him for more detail. He said I had only said he was a psycho drama queen. Fair enough. I recommended that if my coworker cared about this new girl, he should warn her, but otherwise try to stay out of it because Barrel was an absolute mess, and it was safer to stay out of it. Of course, I got another email after that. "TELL YOUR STUPID FRIENDS TO STAY AWAY FROM MY GIRLFRIEND! SHE LOVES ME AND I LOVE HER, AND SHE KNOWS THE REAL ME, SO YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING! IF YOU DON'T WANT ME TO GO AROUND DOING THE SAME THING OT YOU, THEN LEAVE ME ALONE AND I WILL LEAVE YOU ALONE!" Ummm...promise? Loser...really? You'll do the same thing? By all means, go around TELLING THE TRUTH! You'll only make me look better. But with the hope that maybe, just maybe I would never hear from him again, I did nothing.
And it worked. For a few weeks. And then another email. And another a month later. Around Christmas time, he even went so far as to contact each of my parents by email and text to try to manipulate them as well. He wanted 'his stuff' back. My Valentine's gift and birthdaay presents...obviously he had gotten himself into another financial jam and was trying to bail himself out. My parents were the ones that had told me to stay away from him and get him out of my life, so fortunately, his insanity fell on deaf ears. I had offered to return things to him multiple times when I was trying to break up with him and each time he insisted that I keep them. At one point he asked for them, but it was after so much back and forth drama and manipulation that I told him I owe him nothing and I'm done with that conversation. He actually told me that made him happy. He was glad that I was going to keep them. He always said he likes my strong personality.
It's been a couple months since his last crazy email. Around January (2015), he somehow found out I told another coworker about my 'crazy ex'. So his email was...honestly I don't know the right adjective for it. He said I must be really struggling and I must not be over him...maybe I needed to see a doctor and get some medication. How could I be okay hearing about how happy he was with his new angle fiancee and how she had healed him? But he was worried about me and so was his fiancee and other people. I wanted to through up at his disgustingly smug tone. Once again, his lunatic mind had managed to turn the tables and twist the truth. I wonder if he actually believes his own lies. I wonder if he even knows the difference between reality and his own false world.
To be honest...this doesn't even cover everything. There were plenty of moments with roommates and my family and friends...my roommate actually did notice he had a sour smell. She got rid of the couch he used to sit on because the smell wouldn't go away. He always wore platform shoes because it turns out he's several inches shorter than me. I look back and I really don't even understand myself. I know it somehow made sense at the time...I know that I was doing the best I knew how to do...but how did I live with that nightmare for so long? How did I not call him out on his emotionally volatility and end things with the laptop or when he freaked about me going dancing? Why would I have put up with that? Absolute nightmare. But hey, on the plus side, I can spot fake FaceBook accounts and stock photos a lot faster now. So...you know, I learnes something. And provided my friends and roommates with amusing memories they will never forget. And I can only hope to. I started dating a new guy around the time Barrel came back from Turkey. He was great in certain aspects...honestly, if nothing else, it was SO NICE to enjoy kissing again! Sadly, that relationship didn't work out either. Feel free to follow that story in my other entries. :)
Anyway, my Turkish student didn't stand out too much during the semester except for a few compliments during the course of the semester, so I knew he had a bit of a crush, but I was dating this Peruvian guy by the end of the semester and nothing ever came of Barrel's crush.....until a year later (December 2013). He asked me out. Just dinner and a dance performance at the local university. He was never my type. Nothing like the handsome Turkish man I locked lips with in the market 3 years earlier. But he had always had a quirkiness about him that made me laugh, so I accepted his invitation.
It was hard on our first few dates because I had just recently gotten out of a relationship with someone else, an ex who was from Mexico, and I had a lot of mixed feelings about that. Not to mention, I had been dating Latins for so long that I thought maybe my vision was skewed in their favor, and not Turkish. Maybe he wasn't attractive to me because I was Latin-blind. Also, when I get attached, I really get attached, so it's hard for me to see another guy as a potential boyfriend so soon after a breakup. Simply put, I kept thinking that the reasons for not being interested in Barrel could be because I still had strong emotional attachments to my ex and because I had only dated Latins for the previous 2 or 3 years. Barrel was completely different from my ex. My ex was very strong and masculine and down to earth. The new guy was metrosexual and efeminate, bordering on setting off my gaydar...not to mention he had an air of arrogance about him, dressing and acting rather materialistically. So while I felt nothing for Barrel, physically or otherwise, I felt like I should give the "nice guy" a fair chance and keep going out with him while I cleansed the salsa flavor from my palate.
Our first date was harmless. He was dressed stylishly, of course, and we had a lovely Italian dinner and a wandering drive through the quiet, snowy streets after the dance performance. We stopped in at a little house party for a coworker, and that was that. Unfortunately, my little wallet fell out of my shallow coat pocket, which I noticed after Barrel had dropped me off. Fortunately, however, it had fallen out in his car, and he returned it to me the next day. The following day had me in a bit of shock when a vase of flowers arrived at my house. Romantic, sweet, thoughtful...and rather over-the-top in this generation of dating. We had a misunderstanding about something that week and he sent another vase of flowers. We had our second date that weekend and that too was followed by a vase of flowers.
Our second date was much more interesting for me. We went to a nearby big city and saw the Christmas lights and had dinner at an amazing little Greek restaurant. That was the best part for me. I love trying new foods and this place had the most addicting pita bread, so when I say interesting, that's what I am referring to. Because I had lost my wallet in his car on the first date, Barrel made this big fuss that I shouldn't have even had it with me in the first place because he is a gentleman and I would never need money on a date with him. So on that second date I had left my wallet...but still brought along my credit card because there would be a few stores in that bigger city that my city didn't have and, if given the opportunity, I wanted to pick up a couple things. When Barrel realized my intent, he made another big fuss about how it made no difference...he would buy whatever I needed.
Throughout the date, I struggled with my lack of interest in this guy who was going above and beyond for our date. I wasn't interested in conversation, I wasn't attracted to him...but I pushed myself to find things to talk about and to make it fun because I didn't want to be a brat and again I kept thinking maybe it was just because I wasn't comfortable with a new guy still...so I asked him to teach me random words and phrases in Turkish. At least that made conversation a little easier to keep up. But I wasn't comfortable with him buying my personal shopping items...he was so insistent. Just a second date...I don't like it when guys spend that much money so early on. It ends up feeling more like he's just trying to impress or buy a girl's attention when neither party is actually invested in the other person on a deeper level.
All of this happened less than a month before Christmas. We only had two or three dates before Christmas. He went with me to do some Christmas shopping at one point and we stopped by my friend's work so I could give her a Christmas present. I introduced him by his name, but he didn't really hear that well, and as he and I left the place he asked, "How did you introduce me?" I just told her, "This is Barrel." He started getting sensitive and upset. "After everything I've done for you, you aren't calling me your boyfriend?" I was taken aback. How extreme! Just a couple of dates and he's like this? He had a way of spinning things though...blaming cultural differences. So once he calmed down, we chalked it up to culture and let it go. But then he bought me a laptop for Christmas and I freaked out. I told him it was way too much way too soon. I told him it was overwhelming and it made me uncomfortable. I told him it was way too much money to spend on someone you weren't more seriously involved with. He insisted. "It's not a ring," he said. "It's just a gift and we can break up tomorrow, but I still insist that you accept it." Again he cited his culture as the difference.
I started to get the impression his family was loaded after I told him the first laptop didn't meet the specs I needed (I had already been shopping for one for getting my thesis done since my own laptop was a dinosaur and kept crashing and losing work for my thesis) and he showed up on my doorstep the next morning with yet another one...and when that one wasn't up to spec, he handed me $540 cash and said I should just buy whatever I needed since he was leaving that night for the Christmas/New Year's break.
While he was gone, there was one good thing and one bad thing...well, really there were two good things. The first good thing was that he was gone. I needed a break from how strong he was coming on. I could appreciate his kindness and desire to do nice things for me, but we had only gone on a few dates, so it was a bit much. I hadn't had a chance to just be single after the last relationship, so I took the two weeks as my welcome back to singledom and went dancing with my friends. The bad thing was that when he asked me why I was up late that night and I told him I had gone dancing, he FREAKED out about how he loved me but couldn't accept me dancing and being with other guys, so we would have to break up. And here's where my logic flaw comes into play. Rather than seeing him for emotionally volatile, manipulative and controlling, I reasoned with him and talked him down. Why I did that, I'll never know...and always regret. I was so bent on giving him a chance because he seemed like a "nice guy"...maybe because my exboyfriend tried to "curse" me when I broke up with him and I was trying to prove him wrong. I don't know. I always try to look for the good in people and I always try to solve problems...I don't stop and think, "Do I even like this guy?" I try to "make things work."
The other good thing, well bad for me but overall good (in the sense that I should give him some credit), was that I got sick, and Barrel was incredibly sweet, though overdramatic. He said he should have never left me and he should have taken me home to Turkey with him. He ordered food from a local restaurant and had it delivered to my house. He kept offering to fly back to take care of me, but I insisted he stay. He told me all the great adventures he was having there with his friends and family. His family had rented out this beautiful, famous restaurant on the water for their New Year's celebration. He went skydiving with his friends. He spent a few days at his grandparents' historic mansion on an island.
When Barrel got back, he showed me a website for his family's (grandpa's) business...a multibillion dollar company. He said his grandpa had cut off his dad when his dad rebelled and married a Jewish woman, but now he (Barrel) was the favorite grandson. Over the course of our relationship, I saw him spend hundreds, no, thousands of dollars on gifts, dinners, shopping, etc. At first I was always uncomfortable with the amount of money he was spending. But he was overbearingly insistent and I told myself that if I was really going to give him a chance, I needed let him be himself and see how things went. He told me I needed to 'get used to the lifestyle'.
It took several weeks before I finally kissed him. Even after that first kiss, kissing didn't happen a lot in our relationship. It was so weird with him. It always felt awkward...and like ZERO chemistry. Back to the gaydar. Blech. Our kisses were always Disney style...no intensity, no passion, no chemistry. Sometimes we would go days or weeks without kissing, and he would get angry and try to guilt me by talking about how I would make out with all these Latin guys, but I wouldn't kiss him. He would start saying racist things..."I guess you just prefer to be with low class guys." I got so angry with him for the racist and snobby things he would say...but he would always spin it to a lanuguage barrier. "Low class doesn't have a negative connotation in my language. It just means casual or informal. My mother is low class. I wasn't being a condescending, self-righteous, snobby, arrogant prick..." Okay...maybe he didn't say that last sentence, but you get the idea.
Another odd experience with him was when one of his exgirlfriends posted a pic of herself and tagged him in it to try to get attention because she found out he had a new girlfriend. He said he would talk to her about it, but I just told him she was fishing for attention, so he would do better to just block her. I told him it was no big deal and I trusted there was no fault with him, so not to worry. He escalated and when I talked to him the next day he said he had been on the phone with his mom crying for 3 hours about how this stupid ex had hurt our relationship and almost ruined our relationship. He said his mother was so angry at that girl. That was around January.
In February, he bought me a new phone for Valentine's and we planned a weekend trip with my engaged friends. We were going to get two hotel rooms anyway, so it made sense to invite another couple, and my friend had never been to the place. We drove a few hours south and enjoyed the sites. Even managed to find time to visit my sister and her family. It was a chance for her to meet the guy. My bossy little niece loved him because he would let her boss him around. My brother-in-law showed some of his amazing artwork (custom wood-carving) and Barrel indicated that this talent would make a lot of money in Turkey. My brother-in-law had some beautiful gunstocks he had carved. Barrel had me take some pictures, so he could send them off to his uncle and maybe drum up some business for my brother-in-law. If you understood how much I love my sister and how much I worry for her little family, you could understand that it meant a lot to me to have Barrel offering an opportunity for work for my brother-in-law. He's a hard worker, but he also works independently and doing manual labor, which is hard on his back.
A few days later, Barrel said he talked to his uncle and his uncle was more interested with getting my brother-in-law a contract with a company...he would be able to make plenty of money. Stability and relief for my sister. I was grateful. He asked them for a fax number to send the contract to within a week of our visit...but the fax never came. Barrel explained that companies have a lot of legal red tape when it comes to outsourcing and hiring foreigners. But he dazzled my sister with promises of traveling to Turkey once her husband was hired. He would have to go for an orientation and to meet people in the company. And maybe I would have to go to keep my sister company.
Barrel had also spoken of a spring trip to Dubai and Egypt. He talked bout his company and how he made money off trading stocks and whatnot. At one point he told me he donated $5,000 to the local church because he wasn't sure if he felt good about how he made his money. He also told me about a friend who couldn't pay his tuition so he gave him $3,000 for tuition. All this money flying around...for the trip to Dubai and Egypt, he sent possible itineraries and websites for the hotels we would stay at if I went with him. Honestly, the idea was exciting, but I just felt more pressure to decide my feelings. Acepting such an expensive trip while my feelings were not committed felt dishonorable and deceptive. He kept telling me that there are many girls that would take whatever they could get...that I should just accept and enjoy. It wasn't a ring. But I couldn't allow someone to spend that kind of money if I felt I was just using him. I am not rich...not even sort of. My tax bracket is actually considered poverty, I think. But I'm single and frugal, so it's not like I live in poverty. But definitely not rich. And not greedy. So while some people liked to imply that I wasn't breaking up with him because of the money...I can honestly say, those people do not know or understand my mind. Even my mom seemed to imply it at one point. Incredibly frustrating and actually painful to feel that people so close to me thought so little of me.
A couple weeks after our trip with my engaged friends, he flipped out about something ridiculous...again. I made plans with a girlfriend on a Saturday morning (he and I never hung out until later in the afternoon on Saturdays), and suddenly I have him jumping down my throat about not checking with him before I make plans, and he went on and on about how I haven't figured out that I have a boyfriend yet because I'm certainly not acting like it. I felt stifled, controlled, manipulated...I broke up with him...or at least tried to. For hours. Literally HOURS. Like TWENTY of them. He begged and begged, insisted that he recognized his mistake and he would fix it. I was exhausted. I just wanted it to stop. I gave in...and he did change, and things were better...but it didn't change what I had been feeling for months, and that was this: nothing. I didn't love him. Didn't even like him romantically, and increasingly less as a person. No attraction. I still thought he was a nice, sweet, sensitive guy, but he was dramatic, emotionally volitale and manipulative. Whether or not it was intentional or conscious, he was an emotional nightmare. So I went to see him to have another breakup conversation.
I nearly hyperventilated with anxiety on the drive to see him. The last 20-hour breakup was fresh in my mind. I didn't think I could go through that again, so I was literally praying that it would be okay, but I couldn't calm down. When I showed up to talk to him, I was a bit of a wreck. And I think that curbed his crazy. We talked...he tried to convince me that his love was enough for both of us. Claimed it was a saying in his culture. But I told him that I didn't want to live my life without love so that he could live with his love. He realized I was right. After a couple hours of relatively calm conversation (at which point he slightly implied that maybe my friend's fiance was 'my type'), we officially broke up. He was upset...depressed, but it was over...finally over.
And then he decided we should be friends. That would help with his depression. He wanted to keep "taking care of me". He said his mom told him to take care of me...that he couldn't just abandon me. So we tried being friends. I was more relaxed with the weight of the relationship off my shoulders. I could laugh and have fun again. Until a week and a half later. He had another episode. We ran into my friend and her fiance (the ones that went with us on the trip) when Barrel was dropping me off for a sports activity. He was on good terms with them since the trip. Barrel gave the fiance a bro-hug and the fiance said, "Hey where did you just come from? You smell like food. Smells good." My friend laughed and said, "Babe, you can't say something like that to people." And the incident was over. I thought nothing of it.
Barrel left, but soon after I got a text from him...threatening the fiance. "Tell that Filipino jerk that if he ever says something like that to me again I will break his arm." (I'm...smoothing out his English, but that was definitely the gist.) I asked what the fiance had said because maybe I had missed something that was actually rude or offensive..."HE SAID I SMELL LIKE FOOD!" Say what? Is this seriously a thing? I spent the next FOUR hours dealing with his drama-texts. I told him the fiance meant nothing by it...totally innocent and just an off-hand comment. "OH YOU'RE GOING TO DEFEND HIM!?! YOU'RE DEFENDING ANOTHER GUY TO ME!?! I GUESS YOU JUST LIKE JERKS. I WISH YOU COULD DATE HIM THEN!" The onslaught continued...he started going on and on about how wonderful my friend was for saying something to her fiance ('babe, you can't say that to people') because she defended Barrel where I had failed to defend him...I asked him if it was an offensive thing in his culture to say 'you smell like food'. He said no. I tried to be logical with him...so it's not offensive in your culture, and it's not offensive in my culture either, so if it's not something that is generally offensive, how could I have possibly known to 'stand up for him'...? Logic isn't his strong suit. The freak-out texts continued. I told him it was too bad he was freaking out again because I had actually liked him more since our breakup...the next day he was calm, apologized......and started calling me his girlfriend again. Kill me.
I didn't address it right away. I couldn't handle his emotional explosions. I was exhausted. Worn down. I didn't love him. Didn't like him. Wasn't attracted to him. I felt trapped by feeling a loyalty of friendship/compassion (this always happens to me in relationships) and being broken up. He was a nice guy...even if he was crazy. I still felt bad hurting him. Eventually I told him I had never agreed to go back to being his girlfriend and, of course, he freaked out. I had tried again and again to give this "nice guy" a chance, but crazy trumps nice. He dragged things out for weeks...months even. I took a break from trying to end things because my master's thesis was coming due and I couldn't deal with him and the deadlines, so I went along with his little fantasy world just a bit longer to try to get things done. I had to graduate. It was also around the time of my birthday.
A couple days before my birthday, he brought me some lunch while I was working on my thesis. He sat there, quiet and depressed. He had started saying things like he was dealing with so much that he had been stressed and so I hadn't really gotten to know him...he wasn't himself these last SIX months he had been making my life hell. According to him. The cops showed up at my parents' house where I was working on my thesis....someone had called them for a welfare check since he hadn't been responding to texts and calls. He brushed it off like no big deal...and I let it go. He made a big deal of my birthday. Bought me a camera and a tablet...he said we were going on a shopping trip as well...until he had another emotional breakdown. He said his friend had called for the welfare check because he had been depressed, he had talked about suicide...he said God had saved him because when he reached for a bottle of pills, he found his scriptures instead.
The following couple of days were extreme and emotional. He said his financial situation was becoming less stable because of his dad's political situation, so we should break up, but before that happened, he wanted to do everything he could for me...but after that week, our relationship would be done. Finally! Halle-freaking-llujah! And then I watched the twisted wheels of his mind start turning...as we sat there in his car outside of my house, he started convincing himself that he would solve the problem...we didn't need to break up. Horror! He had gone from tears to triumph in a matter of minutes...it was actually scary to watch the twisted wheels of his mind turn...the nightmare wouldn't stop.
I started taking on a lot of travel plans for work. It would start as soon as my thesis was complete. He said he would travel for the summer if I was going to be traveling. I said 'good idea' and he got mad that I didn't whine about how much I would miss him. Why on earth would I miss you? I've been trying to get rid of you?! Just about to have a shorter tongue with how much I've had to bite it lately...! So I miraculously graduated amongst this chaos and started traveling for work. He continuously texted and called while I was working. I had talked to him about breaking up for real. That it needed to end. He kept asking if that was really what I wanted. He said he hadn't told me everything...he then told me that his mom had cancer and so that's what had been affecting him so much. I said I was very sorry to hear that, but that wasn't a reason to stay together. He said fine, but warned me never to do this to a man again. I asked what he meant. He said I was leaving him in his time of need and would I do something like that to my husband? Just leave him because he's having a hard time. More manipulation. I held my ground though.
A few days later, he said his dad was coming to the States for a meeting since his position was government-related and that he would fly to D.C. to meet with his dad. He said it's always weird to do that because he has to have bodyguards, etc. I was in California traveling for work when the day of his trip came. He said he was at the airport and he would have to turn off his phone for his flight.
And that's when it all fell apart. Only an hour or two after he said he had turned off his phone for his flight, I got a FaceBook message from a mutual acquaintance. He asked if I had talked to Barrel recently. I said yes, but didn't disclose much information. He said that Barrel had borrowed some money from him and then blocked him on FaceBook and wasn't answering his calls or texts. I was confused to say the least. Why would this person say these things if they weren't true? But how could this be true? I had seen Barrel, watched him spend thousands of dollars. And then I really got a shock. This acquaintance messaged me to say nevermind, his sister found Barrel at his apartment and he FaceTimed with him on her phone. In my mind..."Ummm, excuse me, he's on a flight to D.C." I didn't say anything to the acquaintance, but I called my mom who lives nearby and told her I was freaking out a bit. I explained the situation and my mom stopped by his apartment, but no one answered. She tracked down someone from his church, though, and they said they saw him around over the weekend.
His emails from his mom were getting ridiculous. "My dear daughter, Barrel said you broke up again and this is so difficult for him. He really needs to be with someone who loves him, so I am going to send his exgirlfriend to take care of him. She still loves him and that's what he needs. But if I have misunderstood, please just tell me and I won't send her." It hit me. I had never talked to his mom. Barrel was behind all the emails. Then his "dad" emailed me to tell me that Barrel never loved me and he was just used to me and I was never his type, how could I be? It was almost funny to see his wild desparation...except that his lunacy was terrifying at the same time. I had spent over 6 months with someone and it was all lies. I had invited him into my life, my world...my family's life. The contract for my brother-in-law had never existed. Months had gone by with only excuses from Barrel. He had also made promises to buy items from my sister's business, but put that off for months...more excuses.
Finally, I got a chance to talk to people that could confirm facts. Barrel, the liar. About everything. Promises to my family, promises to me...where he was, who he was, his family and personal situaton. Lies upon lies. Ongoing, never-ending. He never went to Turkey for the holidays. He didn't have the money. His offer to come back to take care of me because I was sick...he had never left. He told me he had been a church volunteer in Greece for two years. Never happened. He hadn't even been a church member for long before he came to America. His family's busines: lie. Even the ex-girlfriend that caused all that drama early on by tagging him in a picture...that was a fake FaceBook account he created and he was behind it all. He had creatd multiple FaceBook accounts to make himself look cooler or more desireable than he really was. All the times he called me, angry after talking to his mother about an email I had sent to her...but it was him all along. He was crazy. Complete lunatic.
When I confronted him (over the phone), he kept trying to test how much I really knew to see if he could minimize how much truth he would have to tell. Even when I asked him to tell me the truth, he said, "What kind of truth?" As far as I know, there's one truth. After all kinds of evasion and partial truths to see if there waasnything he could salvage, he claimed he had been diagnosed as bipolar, but hadn't gotten any treatment. I researched a little on it...everything fit rather well with that explanation. His mania and depression, his lies, compulsive behavior and controlling attitude. But then his depression was kicking in...he kept threatening to commit suicide. I was fairly certain he was just doing it to manipulate and get attention, but I also wasn't willing to take that risk. So while I refused to see him, I allowed him to keep texting me here and there to talk him down. I even sent the cops to check on him once. He got mad at me for that. I eventually got a hold of someone who knew his parents and tried to give them an idea of what was going on. Within a week, his parents flew him home.
But he kept emailing. I was busy traveling at work and honestly just wanted to be done with him, so when I didn't respond for a few days, he again became crazy. He emailed a contact in my hometown and asked them to call me because I was being an 'irresponsible friend' and he needed to know how his 'friend' was doing. The contact knew of what he had put me through, so he called simply to let me know about the email rather than to guilt me. I was driving all day for work (over 10 hours) and actually feeling ill from the long days and lack of sleep on that trip. That night I got a call from an international number while I was briefing my boss on the trip. It was after midnight. I answered out of habit, but hung up before saying a word because I realized it would be him. The next morning, I finished my trip and when I had some time waiting at the airport, I emailed him. I told him I was busy and working and tired and sick and I didn't have time to be harrassed by him or his contact guilting me and telling me I'm being irresponsible. His response just made me more frustrated. "Oh I am so glad to hear from you! I'm sorry you're not feeling well, but don't worry about me, everything is fine."
I didn't responsd for 3 days. And the calls started coming the third night. I didn't answer. After a few rejected calls, he started texting...threatening to kill himself. I couldn't do it anymore. I turned off my phone and went to bed. He was home with his parents. He was not my responsibility. I could not live with my life held ransom by the whims and threats of this lunatic. When I awoke in the morning there were more texts and emails as well. He said he had cried all night. His parents were worried for his health. I held my ground and didn't respond. After a couple more emails, I reached out to the same person I had contacted to let his parents know of his insanity. He visited the family and advised Barrel to stop contacting me. The contact emailed me about it and told me to let him know if Barrel contacted me again...which he did...a week later. Claiming that he waas totally over me and could go out with another girl tomorrow if he wanted so he didn't understand why I wouldn't talk to him. I forwarded the email to the contact and the contact said Barrel sseemed to be doing better but still had a long way to go. I knew that Barrel was putting on a show for them...twisting everything that he had done because the contact didn't know me and neither did his parents...so he could say whatever he wanted and make it look like maybe he did nothing wrong.
Six weeks later, he was back in America. I had thought his parents would keep him in Turkey. I had prayed...that is more accurate. How could they let him come back? Wouldn't his parents of all people realize he's mental?! How can they not know their son? They should keep their crazies in their own country and not allow him to cause international issues. Part of uncovering his lies was discovering how many people he had defrauded. Many people had fallen for his lies and given him generous amounts of money. Others had loaned him money and never been paid back. Some of the people I talked to were willing to forgive and let it go, which I totally understand...but to let him continue defrauding others...why would no one seek to protect his future victims?
I got a text from him the day he returned. He claimed to have seen my car. Claimed to be over me. I would not respond. He texted and emailed a bit more saying he didn't understand why I wasn't responding. A couple weeks later another email came claiming he had a new girlfriend, so obviously he was over me and this new girlfriend was amazing and wonderful and they were in love. At first I figured it was, of course, another lie. However, another email from Barrel indicated that he knew I had talked about our relationship to a coworker because my coworker tried to warn his new girlfriend about him. I hadn't remembered saying much to my coworker, so I tracked him down and asked him for more detail. He said I had only said he was a psycho drama queen. Fair enough. I recommended that if my coworker cared about this new girl, he should warn her, but otherwise try to stay out of it because Barrel was an absolute mess, and it was safer to stay out of it. Of course, I got another email after that. "TELL YOUR STUPID FRIENDS TO STAY AWAY FROM MY GIRLFRIEND! SHE LOVES ME AND I LOVE HER, AND SHE KNOWS THE REAL ME, SO YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING! IF YOU DON'T WANT ME TO GO AROUND DOING THE SAME THING OT YOU, THEN LEAVE ME ALONE AND I WILL LEAVE YOU ALONE!" Ummm...promise? Loser...really? You'll do the same thing? By all means, go around TELLING THE TRUTH! You'll only make me look better. But with the hope that maybe, just maybe I would never hear from him again, I did nothing.
And it worked. For a few weeks. And then another email. And another a month later. Around Christmas time, he even went so far as to contact each of my parents by email and text to try to manipulate them as well. He wanted 'his stuff' back. My Valentine's gift and birthdaay presents...obviously he had gotten himself into another financial jam and was trying to bail himself out. My parents were the ones that had told me to stay away from him and get him out of my life, so fortunately, his insanity fell on deaf ears. I had offered to return things to him multiple times when I was trying to break up with him and each time he insisted that I keep them. At one point he asked for them, but it was after so much back and forth drama and manipulation that I told him I owe him nothing and I'm done with that conversation. He actually told me that made him happy. He was glad that I was going to keep them. He always said he likes my strong personality.
It's been a couple months since his last crazy email. Around January (2015), he somehow found out I told another coworker about my 'crazy ex'. So his email was...honestly I don't know the right adjective for it. He said I must be really struggling and I must not be over him...maybe I needed to see a doctor and get some medication. How could I be okay hearing about how happy he was with his new angle fiancee and how she had healed him? But he was worried about me and so was his fiancee and other people. I wanted to through up at his disgustingly smug tone. Once again, his lunatic mind had managed to turn the tables and twist the truth. I wonder if he actually believes his own lies. I wonder if he even knows the difference between reality and his own false world.
To be honest...this doesn't even cover everything. There were plenty of moments with roommates and my family and friends...my roommate actually did notice he had a sour smell. She got rid of the couch he used to sit on because the smell wouldn't go away. He always wore platform shoes because it turns out he's several inches shorter than me. I look back and I really don't even understand myself. I know it somehow made sense at the time...I know that I was doing the best I knew how to do...but how did I live with that nightmare for so long? How did I not call him out on his emotionally volatility and end things with the laptop or when he freaked about me going dancing? Why would I have put up with that? Absolute nightmare. But hey, on the plus side, I can spot fake FaceBook accounts and stock photos a lot faster now. So...you know, I learnes something. And provided my friends and roommates with amusing memories they will never forget. And I can only hope to. I started dating a new guy around the time Barrel came back from Turkey. He was great in certain aspects...honestly, if nothing else, it was SO NICE to enjoy kissing again! Sadly, that relationship didn't work out either. Feel free to follow that story in my other entries. :)
