My dating life had a slow and confusing start.
When you're in high school and become of age (dating age=16 years old in my family) but no one is asking you out...you start to hear things like "you're intimidating." It's supposed to be a compliment, I think. And maybe in your later years you would say the same thing to a teen to try to make them feel better...but I couldn't be sure if boys were intimidated or if I was just unwanted. I was young and I didn't know how to see the world or tune into myself. I was always avoiding attention because I was scared to be made fun of or embarrassed. I hid in the fantasy world of literature. I bonded strongly to one or two close friends and put everything into those friendships. I needed only a single sincere and friendly gesture for me to open up. But not many people reach out at that age...not necessarily this age either sometimes...so I often stayed clammed up...hiding my pearl...my soul.
My defense was to not want things. I didn't want to go to school dances. And in a way, I really didn't. Because I only wanted to go if it was with one guy. With the fierce loyalty I learned in childhood, I found that I also 'crushed' loyally as well. I didn't have 5 or 6 cute boys in mind that would have been acceptable dates...I had ONE. And his name was Ryan. Okay if we're being honest, I did have a JTT phase, but you probably only understand that if you're a girl born in the 80's. But he was a celebrity crush. Ryan was a real boy in my life that I could see (or sneak glances...or blatantly stare at) every day when I went to class. I got pesos (bonus points for participation) from my Spanish class and never used them...I remember trying to give Ryan all my besos..uh, I mean pesos, in 8th grade. Really it was just an excuse to talk to him...and to get his attention. I liked him every single year of my Jr. High and High School experience. Except one...in 9th grade I decided to NOT like him in a valiant attempt to be free of my unrequited love...so I got a crush on another boy...but in 10th grade I got an off-putting vibe from him and Ryan quickly had my 'crushed' heart again.
Most girls in school liked Ryan. I wouldn't even say he was the cutest boy in our school, but there was something about him. He was good, honest, kind, talented, smart, well-rounded...he was co-captain of the football team but could serenade with the best of them...singing Tears in Heaven and playing his guitar. Sighhhhhhhh. Anyway! I was able to disuade my "crushing" loyalty a bit during my senior year to start noticing
Anyway! I didn't get asked out once in high school. Long brown hair, slender, 5'9" and green eyes. First, I was taller than a lot of the guys from the time I was 14. I guess technically I did get asked out once...when I was 14...by a guy who was in college. I always looked about 5 years older than I really was. And I was reserved and shy which probably came off as aloof and overly mature for high school boys. I don't know. But this is all just meant to paint you a little picture of the mind and heart of a young woman venturing into the dating world.
So here's how my first few dates went...generally without me even knowing I was on a date.
(not a) Date 1: A cute boy (I could see he was cute because I had removed my Ryan blinders by my senior year of high school) was coming over to get some textbooks. While we were chatting, my brother and his new bride invited me over for dinner and maybe to play some games. I invited this young man to come along and we headed over to my brother's apartment. After a lovely evening of dinner and games, we went home. Somewhere in our conversation, I expressed that I had never been on a date. A day or two later, this young man informed me that when he described our outing to another person, that person said it was a date and therefore I had been on a date. Um...yay...?
(not a) Date 2: Toward the end of my senior year of high school, my spring birthday just happened to coincide with a school dance. My options seemed limited...either have a party that no one would come to, or go to the dance where all my friends would be...but I didn't have a date. Generously, one of my guy friends that attended a nearby high school offered to be my "date" so that I could go to the dance. Honestly...I have no memory of that night. All I can be sure of was that it wasn't a formal dance because I never once got a fancy dress until I started being a bridesmaid, which didn't start until I was 19. Um...yay...?
(not a) Date 3: My sister-in-law decided she wanted to set me up with a cousin from Arizona. Then somehow it became him and his brother, so I got my sister, but my sister had a boyfriend and she wasn't comfortable calling it a date, so we decided it wasn't a date. But then during the date, the guys' behavior was very much date-like, so I leaned over to my sister to express my confusion and she said, "Oh I didn't tell you? My boyfriend said it wasn't a big deal, so yes, it's a date." Ummm...yay...?
(not a) Date 4: One of my best friends got asked out for a dance, but the boy didn't have a group...it would just be the two of them. That was not so good by her ultra-conservative parents' standard, but they decided it was okay if he was just taking her straight to the dance where she could join her friends. But horror! On the day of the dance, he decided to take her to dinner beforehand! Sarah called me with her predicament and I remember telling her, "Sarah, you know I don't care about school dances, but if I could, I'd go so that you could have someone to double with." She asked if I really meant that and I said I did. She quickly started calling every guy she knew in our senior class. Including Ryan's best friend. Yes people, THAT Ryan. The Ryan I had struggled not to care about during my seenior year of high school. His friend said he didn't have money (kind of stung since I knew his parents and his mom had told me that she paid for his dates so he wouldn't NOT go to school things because of money) but to ask his friend John or...WAIT FOR IT...RYAN! My friend of course knew of my long-standing crush and chose to call him. It took her a while to get a hold of him but she finally did and he said yes. I was in shock. I had a date with Ryan...! Oh my gosh I had to buy new shoes! Ryan wasn't that tall and I needed to have some decent flats.
So for all of my dates early on in life...none of them asked me out. Accidental dates, blind dates, birthday dates, last minute rescue dates... but then ladies and gentleman, I went to COLLEGE. And the game started to change.
When you're in high school and become of age (dating age=16 years old in my family) but no one is asking you out...you start to hear things like "you're intimidating." It's supposed to be a compliment, I think. And maybe in your later years you would say the same thing to a teen to try to make them feel better...but I couldn't be sure if boys were intimidated or if I was just unwanted. I was young and I didn't know how to see the world or tune into myself. I was always avoiding attention because I was scared to be made fun of or embarrassed. I hid in the fantasy world of literature. I bonded strongly to one or two close friends and put everything into those friendships. I needed only a single sincere and friendly gesture for me to open up. But not many people reach out at that age...not necessarily this age either sometimes...so I often stayed clammed up...hiding my pearl...my soul.
My defense was to not want things. I didn't want to go to school dances. And in a way, I really didn't. Because I only wanted to go if it was with one guy. With the fierce loyalty I learned in childhood, I found that I also 'crushed' loyally as well. I didn't have 5 or 6 cute boys in mind that would have been acceptable dates...I had ONE. And his name was Ryan. Okay if we're being honest, I did have a JTT phase, but you probably only understand that if you're a girl born in the 80's. But he was a celebrity crush. Ryan was a real boy in my life that I could see (or sneak glances...or blatantly stare at) every day when I went to class. I got pesos (bonus points for participation) from my Spanish class and never used them...I remember trying to give Ryan all my besos..uh, I mean pesos, in 8th grade. Really it was just an excuse to talk to him...and to get his attention. I liked him every single year of my Jr. High and High School experience. Except one...in 9th grade I decided to NOT like him in a valiant attempt to be free of my unrequited love...so I got a crush on another boy...but in 10th grade I got an off-putting vibe from him and Ryan quickly had my 'crushed' heart again.
Most girls in school liked Ryan. I wouldn't even say he was the cutest boy in our school, but there was something about him. He was good, honest, kind, talented, smart, well-rounded...he was co-captain of the football team but could serenade with the best of them...singing Tears in Heaven and playing his guitar. Sighhhhhhhh. Anyway! I was able to disuade my "crushing" loyalty a bit during my senior year to start noticing
Anyway! I didn't get asked out once in high school. Long brown hair, slender, 5'9" and green eyes. First, I was taller than a lot of the guys from the time I was 14. I guess technically I did get asked out once...when I was 14...by a guy who was in college. I always looked about 5 years older than I really was. And I was reserved and shy which probably came off as aloof and overly mature for high school boys. I don't know. But this is all just meant to paint you a little picture of the mind and heart of a young woman venturing into the dating world.
So here's how my first few dates went...generally without me even knowing I was on a date.
(not a) Date 1: A cute boy (I could see he was cute because I had removed my Ryan blinders by my senior year of high school) was coming over to get some textbooks. While we were chatting, my brother and his new bride invited me over for dinner and maybe to play some games. I invited this young man to come along and we headed over to my brother's apartment. After a lovely evening of dinner and games, we went home. Somewhere in our conversation, I expressed that I had never been on a date. A day or two later, this young man informed me that when he described our outing to another person, that person said it was a date and therefore I had been on a date. Um...yay...?
(not a) Date 2: Toward the end of my senior year of high school, my spring birthday just happened to coincide with a school dance. My options seemed limited...either have a party that no one would come to, or go to the dance where all my friends would be...but I didn't have a date. Generously, one of my guy friends that attended a nearby high school offered to be my "date" so that I could go to the dance. Honestly...I have no memory of that night. All I can be sure of was that it wasn't a formal dance because I never once got a fancy dress until I started being a bridesmaid, which didn't start until I was 19. Um...yay...?
(not a) Date 3: My sister-in-law decided she wanted to set me up with a cousin from Arizona. Then somehow it became him and his brother, so I got my sister, but my sister had a boyfriend and she wasn't comfortable calling it a date, so we decided it wasn't a date. But then during the date, the guys' behavior was very much date-like, so I leaned over to my sister to express my confusion and she said, "Oh I didn't tell you? My boyfriend said it wasn't a big deal, so yes, it's a date." Ummm...yay...?
(not a) Date 4: One of my best friends got asked out for a dance, but the boy didn't have a group...it would just be the two of them. That was not so good by her ultra-conservative parents' standard, but they decided it was okay if he was just taking her straight to the dance where she could join her friends. But horror! On the day of the dance, he decided to take her to dinner beforehand! Sarah called me with her predicament and I remember telling her, "Sarah, you know I don't care about school dances, but if I could, I'd go so that you could have someone to double with." She asked if I really meant that and I said I did. She quickly started calling every guy she knew in our senior class. Including Ryan's best friend. Yes people, THAT Ryan. The Ryan I had struggled not to care about during my seenior year of high school. His friend said he didn't have money (kind of stung since I knew his parents and his mom had told me that she paid for his dates so he wouldn't NOT go to school things because of money) but to ask his friend John or...WAIT FOR IT...RYAN! My friend of course knew of my long-standing crush and chose to call him. It took her a while to get a hold of him but she finally did and he said yes. I was in shock. I had a date with Ryan...! Oh my gosh I had to buy new shoes! Ryan wasn't that tall and I needed to have some decent flats.
So for all of my dates early on in life...none of them asked me out. Accidental dates, blind dates, birthday dates, last minute rescue dates... but then ladies and gentleman, I went to COLLEGE. And the game started to change.
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